A favourite song from childhood was an apt description of the 2009 Kona Colville Connection, a Mountain Bike event circumnavigating the top of Coromandel.
At 6:30am the dulcet sound of the alarm woke me from my slumbers. It was still dark. Dilemma, how was I to cook my porridge without light ? Solution - roll over, the sun will eventually appear. The sky was overcast as I prepared for the day. Just as I was about to set off on a warm up a slight drizzle started. I’m sure it’ll clear up.
The start was very sedate (with a steady drizzle) nothing like the mad dash at road races. The hills soon sorted us out (well in my case the descents). Speaking of hills Mother Nature sure gave more than her fair share to the Coromandel. I was really pleased when we hit Port Charles as I thought the walking track was close by.

Not so. Still several ups and downs to go. At the top of one of these the words of my Outward Bound instructor came to mind “It’s cold and wet, the miserable is up to you”. Truth be told it wasn’t actually cold, but it was definitely wet (the drizzle had turned to steady rain). As for the miserable – well there was still a long way to go and not much fun in being grumpy.
Fortunately I soon arrived at Stony Bay for the start of the walking track. Unfortunately thanks to the 500 or so riders ahead it did resemble the hippopotamus’ hollow. There was quite a bottleneck and the walking started. Fortunately those at the front decided to get on their bikes and ride. Even more fortunately we were in close contact with our fellow riders and the laughs and jokes and camaraderie of shared adventure turned what had potential to be misery into fun. It was quite pleasant riding thorough the bush no tree roots, just mud.

The descent into Poley Bay was entertaining. The sensible decided to walk. The entertainers rode and engaged in some spectacular antics in an attempt (generally unsuccessful) to keep the rubber connected to the mud. After posing for what I expect to be the cover for Vogue we began the steep climb (walk) up and up. They told us it should take about 10 minutes. Well I had no idea as my cycle computer had spat the dummy and stopped working. But it certainly was a long 10 minutes. One chap commented on the steam being created by us walking up the hill. I didn’t want to disappoint him by stating it was mist.
Once at the top we were again able to ride our bikes and take in the beautiful scenery (well I’m sure it was if only we could see it). Out of the bush into the farmland. I’m sure this will be fun and great riding and we can’t get any dirtier than we are now. Ahh No – we were definitely in a Hippo way. The track was thick gluggy mud that stuck to your tyres, jammed up your derailleur, chain and all other moving objects (the bike mechanics will be doing a roaring trade this week). So more walking it was. On occasion I would mount the bike only to discover that tyres coated in mud give no grip.

Well eventually we reached Fletcher Bay where the stream took on a marked resemblance to The Ganges with riders and bikes trying to remove the mud so at least we could ride out bikes back to Colville.
Just a couple of hills to go then a beautiful flat 20 ks left (last hill excluded). Of course the weather gods were not satisfied that the rain turned the course into a mud bath, but decide to go one step further and give us a head wind. Fantastic training.
The course organisers had kindly put marker signed with distances to go. 21k “Great no more hills”, 15k “that was a long 6ks”. 9ks bought a chorus of “I want to ride my bicycle I want to ride my bike”. 5ks was the Hallelujah chorus and then the last hill. Excellent just the downhill now. Hmmm my brakes don’t seem to be working that well. Yes the amazing conditions had taken their toll, but I was one of the fortunate. Many lost their brakes much earlier on. With one chap shredding his shoes as they became his brakes.
The finish line in sight with wet bedraggled supporters there to greet us. A huge grin. I hadn’t had so much fun (or been that dirty) since I was five years old.